My Beef with Yoga Journal

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I wish I could cheer for Yoga Journal. *puts poms poms aside*

The current issue is breaking my balls though.

Page 88 reads, “Avoid spaghetti straps and regular t-shirts, which can widen the look of your shoulders…”
Burn the book. Let’s meet at the speakeasy.
I encounter men on the bike path at night. Experience tells me I must ‘widen the look of my shoulders’ to say, “Don’t fux with me.”
Lions do the same thing. I wish I didn’t have to.

The light in me honors the light in you, stranger. But, not so fast. Not too close.
In the world, I want to look male gymnast thick. But I enjoy being a girl.  I consult GQ.
I cut off a quarter inch of my hair every day. It grows back immediately.  Part woman, part reptile.

We gather in a yoga room to risk.
You light a cone.
You split the ocean in half to see who is on the other side to take you in.

What should you wear to practice?
Strip down. Paint the ritual all over your body.

I Stole from Liberace, Tias Little and My Pink Chinchilla. You Can Too.

Matt Damon kissing Michael Douglas in 'Behind the Candelabra'. Yer welcome. via out.com

Matt Damon kissing Michael Douglas in ‘Behind the Candelabra’. Yer welcome. via out.com

Sunday night promises glamour.

I will watch the Liberace movie and later, practice Yin yoga in the living room with my daughter. We’ll use her stuffed pink chinchilla and Totoro as bolsters. We ball on a budget.

I’m taking Tias Little’s advice. He wrote this bomb article, which I found on elephant journal, that is full of right thought. His words soak my heart and brain with curiosity. What happens next?

Here are a few golden eggs from T.L.

Practice ahimsa (non-violence) within the practice of tapas (intense practice). . . Avoid excessive tapas, what I like to call “stupid tapas.”

I get ‘stupid tapas’ when the yoga teacher calls out, “Ten Urdhva Dhanurasanas- Go.” As a competitive person, I want to meet the challenge because I can. I have an occasionally crusty wrist though. Ten breaths in one wheel is enough. If you are me.

You can sustain a vigorous practice and feel no pain. That’s precisely where right action comes in. Make the right action for your body as you move. Choose kindly. Challenge yourself compassionately.

Avoid practicing too long and too hard. This steals from the spirit.

We must learn to practice in a way that fosters healing. Pile on strength. Exhale and open your chest. All full court press all the time may attract injury. You ain’t got time for that.

Of course, there are days when you should absolutely make out with someone you love instead of going to yoga. Right? Action.

Always keep the practice fresh, alive and interesting. The practice should be full of experimentation, discovery and surprise.

I circle back to take class with my favorite teachers every week. Ritual and tradition are the most strongly tethered tenets of yoga.

Luckily, those teachers are continually unpredictable. They study, travel and bring back a treasure trove of modifications, new modalities and ripe wisdom.

This is why we take yoga field trips to different studios and different teachers so often. It’s like breakfast. You don’t want to eat the same cotdang steak and eggs every day. Sometimes you need a three onion and gouda frittata with a side of potato pancakes up in your grill.

Be nourished.

Namo namah.